Rumor Has Exalted Ruler Mike DuFloth

The rumors about the electric toothbrush fiasco in Brother Tom McChristie's attic will finally be put to rest as Brothers Steve and Warren Flegal hold a one-time viewing of never-before-seen home movies of the incident.
Rumor has it that both Tim Kress and Dave Kistler had nothing to do with it, but if you look closely you'll see Brothers Jim Forman and Jerry Oppenheimer were participants.

The rumors about Brother DJ Grubb paying for this entire issue are true. The rule is: anyone who admits he would actually pay for The Hairy Lawn News is billed for the cost of paper, envelopes, laser printing and postage. Thanks for the $14.89 DJ.

Oakland grunt, Bill Osterman admits, If it wasn't for Gary Keene sucker punching me and then running away, I would have never attacked that nice boy Bill. Rienhard.

Lastly, if you have a problem with the Hairy Lawn News, tough shit. What do you think we're playing here---a kid's game? Just lump it, you thin-skinned Piedmont pussy.
Or better yet, sue us. Call JD Kessler, Attorney of Record for the Hairy Lawn Brotherhood.
Until next time, I'd like to leave you all with the finger!

In Next Issue...

"Why I took a piss in the ice machine at my Senior Prom" By Brother Steve Merriam

"How I perfected the standing-up-finger-banging position in the Confucius Bar Bathrooms"By Doug Worrell

"The necessity of wearing a turban"By Bruce Bushberg

"My threats to Mr. Ferry scared him, and I was never again suspended for smoking or being tardy"By Brother Howard Robbins

"I pounded the Rafton Brothers"A detailed description by Bob Tobias of quelling the bullies of Hairy Lawn football

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